Whispers have recently been circulating the universe reinforcing my theory that “Hiisense has a weird vibe”. Turns out, not only does this concrete monolith, complete with schoolteacherly-strict usher and annoying “obscured-vision” areas, feel like a cross between a high-school basketball court and a university lecture hall, but it’s also taken a penchant for murdering Serbians in cold blood.
The MO’s been the same each time. The first victim, Ana Ivanovic, was the guinea pig. Give her the first set, let it be clear she is kiling it. Let it be clean, let it be good, let the universe assume that it’s safe to sit back. Then comes the next part. Make it tight, make it tough. And finally, at the end, let her lose the battle.
The same followed yesterday with Janko, and let’s just say it was heartbreaking. I’m not tennis journo so I won’t go into the details, but let me just say, anyone who watched carefully will know that jANKO WON THE MATCH. There was a point, called long, at match point. It wasn’t challenged, because there were no challenges remaining. The TV replay showed it in. It was called out. Nuff said.
As for the rest, Bojangles went the same way today. And tomorrow, Viktor and Nole will go at it. Rumour hath they will both be bloodied, bruised and dead before it’s all over.
So here’s my suggestion. It’s not a long walk away, just a tiny bit smaller. I’m talking COURT EIGHTEEN.
Court Eighteen isn’t a favourite court for the Australian Open fan, though it damned well should be. It’s stuck in the End of The Universe region, on the Hiisense side in the cluster of courts 16-22. It’s a handy visitation point, being next door to the legendary Courts Sixteen and Seventeen of Practice Porn fame.
It’s also the ideal place for Serbian victories, as evidenced by the following:
Round 1: Bojana Jovanovski, d. Kai-Chen Chang, 7-5, 6-1
Round 1: Viktor Troicki, d. Dmitry Tursunov, 6-2, 3-6, 6-2, 6-0
And I think Janko’s scores say it all…
Round 1: Janko Tipsarevic, d. Mischa Zverev, 6-3,, 6-1, 6-4
Round 1: Janko Tipsarevic/Bjorn Phau d Ivan Ljubicic/Lovro Zovko, 6-1, 6-4
My recommendations: Play Nole and Viktor on Court 18, together. They’ll be flowering and blossoming and making pretty tennis babies by the end of the match. Or, you know, crooning to one another in wigs. Because we haven’t seen that before.